Grieving and Still Seizing the Day

Blessed Are They That Mourn

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Well, Gee, it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes...but I assure you, it is true.

A big part of my fitness regime is the bodily work out. Another very important part deals with emotional fitness, and Spiritual fitness. For me, they all need to work together. It is imperative,  for me,  to truly seize any day, or moment.

As I write my current book, so much comes up, emotionally. The flooding memories/feelings try to rob me of my joy. 

Memories, regrets, fears...Oh my..... and then days like today hit.

Today is my youngest brother's birthday. It is his first birthday since he died. 

Yikes. 

I have been through these heartaches before: My mother's, father's, both my younger sisters and an ex husband. 

Birthdays seem to hit me the hardest. We celebrated them, always. We would do so, even when there were months between conversations. They were consistent, every year, without fail. Now they are here, but without my loved ones to call, visit or...

...well, I almost typed celebrate, as if it were supposed to be a past tense event.... but we do still celebrate them. Well, I do.

Happy Birthday Brother. Forever Young.

I have a dear, dear friend who is mourning her Mama and beloved 4 legged child. I went to her home to see if she was going to be okay. Mourning is such a very tricky business. I left her home a week later, knowing that she will be just fine. Not only that, but she reinforced my favorite way to mourn.

We cry. We light candles, incense, mist the air with our essential oils. We cry some more. We love, we laugh, we eat and take care of ourselves and we cry some more.

We live. We continue to live, love, laugh...and mourn. 

There is no set time to mourn. I have been mourning my sisters for years. I mourn estranged relationships. Sometimes the missing can be unbearable. We light candles, we rest, we ask God for comfort, guidance, peace and serenity. We love others.

I have to deal with finishing my book and this crazy cirrhosis of the liver. I can not let my mourning paralyze me. I can not let any negativity creep in, while I mourn. Feel, it's real. Stuffing the feelings create the paralysis and have some serious effects on ones health (as is scientifically validated, repeatedly.)

Mourning is not negativity. What we do with it can foster, breed, and fester negativity! Mourning can be the most healthy thing you can do, positively,  to seize the day.

I love you Rob. Hug everyone for me. 

I posted this to my brother's Facebook as soon as I awoke today. I lit some candles, burned some incense, played some relaxing music, and cried. I then took off to the gym with a huge smile on my face, knowing he was proud of me. 

Hi brother. I feel your spirit. I am heading out to the gym, remembering that Frank -ie said you were proud of me. 

I always call you on your birthday 🎊, always, no matter how many months we hadn't spoken in between. Today is my first birthday of yours, without you here, in body... Thanks for hanging out in spirit, or I just might not make it. I love you brother. You are in the trees, the waters, the birds in the sky... Not a day goes by without a hello... Some just harder than others. 

I post on Dad's, and Cathi's fb.. Wish Kelly and Mom had one... Hug them all... Send me signs of your love all day, please... Get me by. 
Love, love, love ❤️ ~shell

Mourn and you shall be comforted...then seize the fu*^ of of your day!!