Happy New Year 2018 Day 1


Well, Here Goes!

A friend of mine died this weekend, which counted towards the countless who left , just this year...and many more are ill. The loss this year was overwhelming. Many think it's the "age" thing, but so many were incredibly young. 
My young brother would have been 53 this upcoming month. 

The state of affairs of this world are more than most can bear.
This year was one of the hardest I have ever faced. Loss of more loved ones, all of my siblings, my pets, my friends so far away, my health got so scary. It's been.... Life
I have experienced amazing things this past year. The reflections take me to overwhelming gratitude. I started some heavier goals and left them aside, as I focused on what could make me "feel" better. Yes, including pretty much moving into the gym. There was a time that physical fitness needed to me my focus. It had to be my goal, to live. Then, I started robbing myself of the living while running into/away from the fear and realities of this freaking insane world.
My life is good.I am blessed beyond words. My pain is intense, it is real but it does not define who I am.
I had a blog up, http://shell4art.blogspot.com/ logging my journey from bedridden blob to enlightenment and love. Some Google thing deleted all the photos, or many of them, so I gave it up and just didn't want to put the energy into it. I went to it this morning as I am starting a new one, same name, different server and I saw why it was easy to walk away. The loss of Joshua, the fighting for Tracy, all of it...yep....that is why the book got put aside too.It got too hard. Much, much too hard.

BUT so was the physical battle! You might not know this, but I have lost almost 300#
Ran a Spartan! (Ok carried through a Spartan Race by a team of angels.)

With the help of my loved ones I have been sober 26+years, quit smoking 21years ago and have stayed faithful to one hubby for almost 25yrs! Damn, tough cookie huh? I can box your face :::giggle:: but writing my truths, my hopes, my journey, well, that kicks my ass!



I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to do it. Many publishers, therapists (hehe) friends and even my sisters before they passed affirmed it.
It's time to give it as much energy as I do to my physical well being. It will be hard. It will not be social media fodder. I might link to the blog of tidbits and updates every once in a while.
My health/fitness Instagram is migrating to spartan-shell and shell4art is for family and friends who get to witness the absolute tedious moments of my day.
Facebook will have some updates, but I want to keep up with YOU here. I want to see your posts, your children, your challenges. I want to be inspired, uplifted, and challenged by how you are seizing your moments.

Every New Year I make a list of what I hope to get accomplished, in the upcoming year...not resolutions...just goals...I just posted a few from "memories." Wow, have we surpassed them all by leaps and bounds. That is one of the great reason for a todo list. You get shit done!
1. Take only one bite of the elephant at a time, yet still addressing the beast in the room.
2, Seek God's wisdom every morning as to the next moment/right thing.
3. Spartan/OCR (Obstacle Course Racing) the heck out of 2018 with my son (Ok I got excited...I have to have fun too....back to the hard goals haha)
4.Write, every day. Go to my office, my lovely beautiful, office/gym, wonderfully supplied, ready and prepared...and freaking write! Take my laptop with me if I need to go somewhere and write.
5 Walk through the walls of pain, shame, regret, guilt and become love, hope, joy and encouragement.
6. It's a given, but be the Mama...the very best Mama I can be...
7, Give my marriage 200% of what I gave to gaining my health back.
8. http://artists4change.net
9. Gentle Rose Publishing and Ent. Group.
10. Raise awareness of obese anorexia
11. Go to Vanderbilt and be a test subject for final stages of liver disease and kicking ass! (Deal with solutions for portal hypertension, and the rapid thinning of my blood..)


Ohhh crap...I think I am ready to go hide in the gym....nahhh We got this!! It's just heavy. I can do heavy....God has brought me this far, for a purpose...this purpose.

#Morehearthanscars 



Rob, Cathi, Kelly, Mom and Dad, Nonnie and Grump, Dawn O'Connor Rowe, Littlejohn Clan of assorted names  This is for you. ♥You are greatly missed. Your presence is beyond strong, yet it will be put into words.
Bill Rayburn Thank you. More than you will every know. You have changed my world.
Tracy, my love...Happy new year! You have, and continue to empower me, encourage me, love me, help me, tolerate me. May I touch your soul, every day of our lives with refreshing adoration, love, Spirit filled empowerment and life.

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