Rantings & Praise ~shell

People often ask me "Why would you move from Monterey CA to Chattanooga TN?" I hear that question, at least once daily. My story is pretty much documented throughout this blog. I haven't blogged in a while because I have been busy creating a non-profit called Lionhearts. Backing up...I was very ill. I was bedridden for many years. During that time I went back to school (Academy of Art University SF,), ran a business (I.E,) raised 7 kids...and did most of it from bed or in a sitting position. I became a research patient at Stanford, a long enough story in itself and became mobile. We had a sprawling beautiful ranch and every dime we spent on living expenses was taking money away from the cause that I believe God called me to. I had an amazing nonprofit called Artists4Change, encouraging all to use their talents to help their community, their world. We raised 10s of thousands of dollars for many different needs. I loved watching artists...

Right of Passage, His and Mine. AROO! Death and dying: What is my biggest fear? Most would think my legacy. What will I leave behind? Who will they say I was? No, not you, not society, but my children. Yes, of course there is some vain concern about such things. My biggest fear has always been the pain that I will leave behind.  I have gut wrenching overwhelming PTSD from the violence I have known, and the atrocious deaths I have faced, I have felt more pain because of death and dying than I could ever explain here. At 17 I was at my mother's side, for the remaining months of her life. She succumbed the month after I turned 18. I was the only one taking care of her. My father sent everyone else away. The pain it caused my siblings was unbearable. Not so much the death, as the absence from the process. I am the eldest and felt their pain, and watched as the years passed. I am the last surviving member of my immediate family of 7. My first husband died in an insane man...